When Parents Disagree over ADHD: Does the child have it? Is it real? Best treatment?

When Parents Disagree over ADHD: Does the child have it? Is it real? Best Treatment?

When a child is first diagnosed with ADHD, parents may experience a range of emotions while trying to learn about the disorder and treatments. Some experience a sense of denial, and some worry that ADHD might limit their child’s ability to achieve success. Accepting the diagnosis and a course of treatment can present additional challenges for parents who disagree on what to do next. Children should always see their parents on the same page, so parents should work out differences regarding ADHD and treatments away from their child. Parents should set aside time to calmly share their concerns and opinions with one another. Communicating with the child’s clinician or other treatment provider for further information may help resolve conflicts, and the clinician can act as an impartial authority on ADHD for the parents. Does our child really have ADHD? Many people worry that, despite the rigors of the comprehensive evaluation process, the diagnosis is still based on a subjective opinion. Or, when the child has the predominately inattentive form of ADHD, a parent might not agree with the diagnosis because the child doesn’t display the stereotypical behaviors attributed to ADHD. Rather than allowing this concern to act as a dividing force, the parent who disagrees with the results of the evaluation should sit down with the child’s clinician and discuss concerns about how the evaluation was carried-out. The clinician can explain the process, answer questions and give concrete examples of how the child is affected by the disorder. Often, having the clinician discuss the diagnosis helps parents see eye-to-eye. ADHD isn’t a real disorder or disability… ADHD is a neurobiological disorder affecting executive functioning. It is one of the most researched medical conditions around. ADHD is real and medical researchers are able to point towards the clusters of genes that control expression of symptoms in study groups. Again, enlisting the clinician’s help in understanding the disorder can bring parents on the same page and prevent further arguing. The clinician can explain the science behind ADHD and its medical history. Another option is to read one of the many books that discuss childhood ADHD and the science behind our understanding of the disorder. One book that can be helpful in this situation is The AD/HD Book: Answers to Parents’ Most Pressing Questions by Beth Ann Hill with James A. Van Haren, M.D. What’s the best treatment for our child? Research has shown multimodal treatment to be the most effective plan for ADHD. This approach includes multiple interventions such as child and family education about diagnosis and treatment, specific behavior management techniques, medication, and an appropriate educational program. Children benefit from structured routines and teens might benefit from coaching. The decision to use medication may be a highly divisive issue between parents. Occasionally, they may disagree on how much to support or coach a child with behaviors or routines. One parent might also be interested in employing a complementary or alternative treatment approach. Again the child’s clinician can explain the benefits of medication while dispelling myths about it and help to evaluate other possible approaches to treatment. A specialist in ADHD can help parents work out a behavioral management plan based on their child’s specific needs. Parents can also look at setting up trial periods for different approaches and evaluating how helpful those approaches were for their child. In this way, parents can work together to develop a successful treatment plan for their child. Some disagreements are difficult to resolve; myths and opinions about ADHD can weigh as heavily as the facts. In these cases, parents need to make a dedicated effort to set aside their emotions and focus on what works best for their child. The child’s clinician can be a resource, providing information on the science behind ADHD and combatting the myths. Education on ADHD is often helpful in resolving arguments. Finally, remembering that the child’s well-being is the underlying cause of the disagreement can help parents work together towards solutions that will benefit the whole family.

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